I'm Sorry I Can't Be Perfect
by BonesBird
Summary: Takes place in Season 4 when we hear about but don't see Haley and Jack. Both Haley and Hotch think about the effect of their divorce on their son. CANON-FIC


**Title: I'm Sorry I can't be Perfect  
****Author: BonesBird  
****Summary: Takes place in Season 4 when we hear about but don't see Haley and Jack. Both Haley and Hotch think about the effect of their divorce on their son.  
****Disclaimer: You all know by now… tisn't mine.  
****Lyrics: Perfect - Simple Plan**

**I wrote this during a short break from my project fics. Written special for my "cousin" Arwen. Love you honey. Xxx.**

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Hey dad look at me  
**__**Think back and talk to me  
**__**Did I grow up according to plan**_

She knew that he had trouble at work, and she knew that there was always another case. Always another issue that would rear its head. Jack was 3 years old. He needed his daddy. Currently he wasn't available as much as a daddy should be. Sure he rang Jack every day, but the time they actually spent together was little. The job didn't factor into the three year olds' thinking when he was disappointed his daddy didn't come again.

_**Do you think I'm wasting my time  
**__**Doing things I wanna do  
**__**But it hurts when you disapprove all along**_

She didn't know how to explain to Jack that Aaron would always be fighting the good fight. That Jack was important to him, but that he had to save other children, other families from the bad guys that plagued the world they lived him. Aaron would always be a hero to Jack, Haley would do all she possibly could to make sure it remained that way.

_**And now I try hard to make it  
**__**I just wanna make you proud  
**__**I'm never gonna be good enough for you**_

She watched Jack play with his figures. No matter which he was playing with, the one he decided he liked most that day would always be "daddy". Haley sometimes wondered if that's how Jack felt. That he would only be in Aaron's life when he was the favourite. Jack did know that Aaron loved him. She was sure of that. The house was always full of laughter, so regardless, Jack was always happy.

_**Can't pretend that I'm alright  
**__**And you can't change me**_

She knew that trying to change Aaron was pointless. She had tried when they'd been married, and it hadn't worked. She loved him. She had always loved him. But the job was too much for her to take. She always felt like she was second to his job, and that meant that she was always struggling t hold his attention. She had left him for a reason,

_**Coz we lost it all  
**__**Nothing lasts forever  
**__**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**_

Their relationship had been far from perfect. They'd never been perfect. Neither had claimed that either. Until they separated she'd been sure that they would work through anything and everything. She had reached a limit and snapped. At the time what had annoyed her more was that Aaron hardly fought for them. He fought for Jack, but for their marriage he didn't. He had even signed their papers without a fight.

_**Now it's just too late  
**__**And we can't go back  
**__**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**_

It was too late for her "what-ifs" and "could-have-been"'s. Every thought she wasted on them was another thought that she could have used better, the she could of used thinking about how to teach Jack about the world. Aaron's periodic visits and the fact that his job, the victims he saved, would always be at the forefront of his mind.

_**I try not to think  
**__**About the pain I feel inside  
**__**Did you know you used to be my hero**_

Hanging up the phone with his son he closed his eyes. Rubbed his hands up his face. His short talks with Jack before bedtime always both brightened and saddened his spirits. The mixture off the two often left him more exhausted than a case did. He knew that Haley hated his commitment to his job over his commitment to her and their son. But he saved other people from losing those they loved.

_**All the days you'd spend with me  
**__**Now seem so far away  
**__**And it feels like you don't care anymore**_

There were days he felt that their lives would be easier without him being in it at all. He knew that he consistently got Jack's hopes up for a weekend with his dad, then a case would come in and he'd have to cancel. He remembered the times he'd had to take personal days to have a whole day with him. He remembered all the nights he'd feared for Jack's safety because of the UnSubs they chased.

_**And now I try hard to make it  
**__**I just wanna make you proud  
**__**I'm never gonna be good enough for you**_

He wasn't good enough to have a son like Jack. He wasn't good enough to have a woman who loved him the way Haley did. They had been a strong family until his inability to think of anything but the job got in the way, and Haley's inability to cope. They had both caused their break-up. He was hardly innocent, and nor was she. Both could have been more understanding, more accommodating.

_**Can't stand another fight  
**__**And nothings alright**_

Jack was his focus now. Work and Jack. That was almost all his life consisted of. He couldn't even imagine thinking of another woman. Haley was still the love of his life, together or apart. It made him hurt to think that she may eventually move one, but he knew that he wouldn't, not for a long time. He still loved her, despite everything that went on between them.

_**Coz we lost it all  
**__**Nothing lasts forever  
**__**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**_

She was an amazing mother, a fantastic person. Everyone who knew her was privileged to know her, and to have that contact in their lives. He knew that he was possibly biased, but he didn't care overmuch. Because she was permanently part of his life through Jack. He needed to make more effort. Divert more time to spend with his son.

_**Now it's just too late  
**__**And we can't go back  
**__**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**_

He wasn't a perfect father. He hadn't been a perfect husband. He'd been awkward in both those roles for the majority of the time he'd held them. But it hadn't stopped him trying and it was unlikely to stop him trying in the future. He loved his family, and he wouldn't put them at risk if there was any way he could avoid it. He had his plans for it. He had to protect them.

_**Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
**__**And nothing's gonna this right again**_

Haley felt the need to expand on every explanation she gave, to try to impress to Jack that Aaron loved him. The little boy knew. She was sure of that. But she needed Aaron to spend more time with his son. To spend more time working on the relationship with him, that was tenuous at best. Haley wouldn't be able to excuse Aaron for Jack's whole life. There were events that he was going to miss that Jack wouldn't want his father to miss. She knew that.

_**Please don't turn your back  
**__**I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you  
**__**But you don't understand**_

Talking about their son had halted his thoughts. Haley had been unresponsive to his suggestions, for much the same reason as she had been a year earlier when they'd chosen to separate. She didn't understand his position, as loyal to his job as he was to his parental responsibilities. He didn't understand her single minded focus on their son and that everything came second.

_**Coz we lost it all  
**__**Nothing lasts forever  
**__**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**_

She knew a compromise between the two of them over his access to Jack was almost impossible. She couldn't deny her son the chance to spend time with his father. Even if the time was become more limited as his team got called out to darker and darker cases across the country, sometimes even asked to consult on cases from the other side of the world. There were issues at play she'd never understand. She knew that Aaron couldn't be perfect. She was coming to realise he would try.

_**Now it's just too late  
**__**And we can't go back  
**__****__****__**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**_

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**Hope you enjoyed this little foray. I don't think it's as good as some of my other stuff, and is pretty angst… I don't really know why either as I'm in a good mood. As I've said before. I'm not a good fluff writer. I envy fluff writers. You make it look so easy.**

**She I hope you really enjoyed it! Specially for you!**


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